I don’t know what it is about bouts with early morning insomnia. It’s three am, I have a country station on the radio playing, the window open and sitting in bed typing this out on my tablet. I think too much. My mind twists and turns with constant worries and blows up to be ten times worse than they actually are just so I can worry more.
I go back to work Tuesday and I am nervous about that. The transfer I want to a different store has hit a road block and not moving forward like I would like it too. I worry that it’s stalled indefinitely. But I am so happy to be walking and on my own again but I want the limp to go away and full range of motion to return to my ankle. I worry that my friends I have are scared off by my weirdness sometimes. I am so insecure it’s ridiculous.
Happiness is fleeting and I take it for granted sometimes. I feel like the good things that happen are a spur of the moment. For instance, my tuition appeal went through with the class I had drop when I broke my ankle and I got refunded my money. But this victory, seemingly minor, gets drowned in a sea of (un)realistic worries and I fixate on those instead.
And my early morning moments of insomnia only make it worse. I need to go back to sleep.