Middle Ground

I can’t remember a time when I last felt like this. For once, I’m not in a terrible mood or a super awesome mood, I’m just okay. The usual things that bother me aren’t tonight and work was mediocre at best. I’m just okay and I’ll take this moment  of being in the middle for the time being.

It’s been a month since I’ve started walking again and my ankle is holding up for the most part. I still wear my brace when I work but the limp has, for the most part, vanished. I was going to try and pursue physical therapy but after the first visit and saw how much it costs, I just can’t afford it. Sure I want things to be what they were, being able to run and my foot not struggling to over compensate when I walk or the swelling, but all this takes time. I overextended part of my right foot when I made the mistake of jogging during last Friday’s service because I rushed and wasn’t thinking. My limp is back but it’s getting better slowly.

Lately, I’ve still been yearning for the past. In the past six months, my relationship with my mother has been complicated and recently we really haven’t been talking to each other. Without getting too much into it, her and my dad are divorcing and  because I still live with my dad, I feel a bias towards the situation. I’m still hurting, six months later and even though I am 26, it still isn’t any easier. Whenever I talk to her, my anger gets the best of me and, at the same time, she isn’t trying to reach out as much either.  I wish it would resolve itself into a happy ending.

But life isn’t like that. The past six months from family problems, work problems, and the major setbacks my broken ankle caused, life isn’t easy.  I’ve struggled to cope with the  stress some days. Recently, I’ve dabbled with smoking one of those Blu e-cigs off and on.  I don’t normally smoke and when I do,  it’s only when I drink heavily and on occasion. Stress does strange things.  But tonight, for once, as nostalgic I am for the past, I’m glad to be feeling just okay.

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