Out From the Depths

This blog post is more along the lines of a personal post.

With New Years 2017, I kept telling myself that this was going to be my year. My freaking year. I had a lot going for me. Moving out of the house. Grad school. I was turning 30. I promised myself to do better by myself by doing simple things like going to the gym more, drinking less, writing more, and just trying to take care of myself in general.

Well, as July came, those promises were half kept. I was going to the gym a couple of times a week regularly and I had been writing more. But I still struggled with my drinking and just taking care of myself.

Then I broke my knee. Specifically, I had a lateral tibial plateau fracture that not only broke a bone but destroyed part of my left knee joint. I landed really badly on a skateboard.  I had surgery. I have more hardware in my legs. (Hey, I got matching hardware for both of my legs now!). The doctor pretty much told me flat out before the surgery I will never be able to run again and will require a full knee replacement in 20 years. Joyous news huh? I had to have six screws placed in my left leg (three large ones around my knee and three other ones down my tibia). I have a plate stretching probably three or four inches down my tibia as well holding everything together. I have yet to see my x-ray with this.

And I am only three weeks, technically two weeks, into my recovery. I have cabin fever. I miss my independence. I miss driving. I miss work. I miss having a life. And I went through all this with my ankle three years ago but it still doesn’t make it easier.

I’m dying to walk again without help. Just being able to stand and take a shower again. It’s always the simple things. I can’t skateboard (even though I am pretty much resigning from that after this fall). I can’t go swimming or go handboarding. This drives me crazy because the waves start kicking up in September and October here. I just want to get out. But I have also come to realize how unhealthy I have been from eating out all the time to drinking to just general overall maintenance of myself for the everyday.

It’s amazing how much you realize when you have a whole bunch of free time on your hands.

So, I’ve been working on trying to find the good when life hands me shitty situations (i.e. see the broken knee). I can still attend school, I just need to figure out the transportation aspect. I’ve been more aware of how much I used to drink as I had to cut down due to the pain medications I have taken for this knee (and noticed the weight I have lost!). The difficulty of just trying to do the everyday grooming things has made me more appreciative and made me want to go that little extra to feel good about myself. Maybe this is what I needed to give me that last good kick to make that final change for 2017.

So come time for recovery, I plan to actually do physical therapy as I am told. I am going to keep my butt at the gym, trying to get healthier and get my knee back to where it was. I am going to continue writing as I have been.

I just need to keep moving forward.

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