To be able to live somewhere else free of concern or worry would be ideal, envious even. To be capable to doing so without language difficulty or any limitations would be too perfect.
I feel bad about not knowing any French beyond ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’ while up here. If I could, I would come back here again. It was embarrassing but I managed and felt like I could pick up some things. Maybe if I stayed up here longer, I could pick some more. I felt like I was getting paths and routes down, learning and adapting. It doesn’t make me feel quite asuseless.
Right now, I am sitting in a basement bar in Montreal nursing a rum and coke. But I am also thinking about my dad too. Two year ago today, he got diagnosed with cancer. He died six days later. All of it happened so fast. K remember telling people I didn’t have a fucking clue to what I was doing but somehow basic instincts and my body worked to get me through while my higher functions and thoughts fled but I still managed especially with family and friends.
Maybe I am not as hopeless as I think I am. I always bring myself down. The true purpose of this trip was the Montreal Comic Con and X-Files. My inner geek child came out. Secondary goals became flying for the first time since I was 10, going out of the country for the first time, staying at a hostel for a first time, going to a con for the first time. This trip has also helped me get past so many insecurites and anxiety. I have had so many wonderful experiences and now, today is my last full day up here.
With the Con done and over with, I am not quite sure what to do with the exception of packing and getting ready. Maybe wonder around or hang out with the people I met. Who knows. I just have really enjoyed this trip. But tomorrow invovles going through customs for the first time and going back home. A part of it will be bittersweet but reality calls. I just hope I can do this again in the future.